truly mine..

You know love, no matter how bad our life seems… n moreover how lonely you feel yourself to be, there is someone out here who is always there with you… no conditions attached, hardly questioning, rarely probing… but always there nevertheless… And you know what the best thing about this special someone is, that one doesn’t have to look very hard for her/him… (s)he is easiest to find… All you need to do is stand up, go to the mirror n see… (s)he is always there, right there, only for you. No matter who ditches you or cheats you or betrays you, this one person will always be there to gather you back n piece you together for the next raging battle… And you know what’s so special about him/her, that (s)he never gets tired of helping you out, of pushing-pulling you around, of tugging you along, this one being never gives up on you, never. And the only thing that it requires from you in return is faith, in him/her to be there, nothing more, nothing less… Clear, buoyant, willing, absolute faith… And the day we give that, there (s)he is with us, for us, for life, for real. And never will (s)he leave us alone hurting, in pain like others did n will do. You know love that’s the power of 'me' in this mêlée of humanity, which we live in n that’s the reason of never letting go of our trust in ourselves. For no matter what, no one can know us better than us n moreover no one can be there for us n accepting of us for ourselves as selflessly as our own being is… There is no one n never will be, a person more close to us than our own self. Someone very special can share that space time n again, but never can have a forever unlike our own selves… All we need to remember when the whole world seem to be on the other side against us that I’m not alone, can never be, for I always have me…and I'm the luckiest person to ever be to have me…

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marionette’s mumbles..

Hey love… Why some things are so darn beyond us… Why is that we can’t let go of someone despite the fact that we want it from our very being. And then why we never can hold onto that one whom we desperately want to… How come that Overlord is the who gets to roll the dices every single time… How come our choices need to have a ‘blessing’ to really turn into a reality… Just why things can’t work out the way we want them to… Why our ‘no’ isn’t the final answer… How come we always end up working for the very same thing we have already proclaimed not to do, a thousand n ten times… Huh… How come the story we plan never really matches the one that unfolds with each passing moment… and more strangely how come over time we feel satisfied n content with the way it actually unfolds… We are always told that we have the right to question, seek, shape, mould our lives the way we envision them to b and deep down we truly believe in it as well… but still very rarely our lives end up being the ones we wanted… How come our destiny always gives us the very same answer over n over again, this is all you ever needed. And since fate ends up being the way of our being, then how come we are provided with so many diversions, options n choices, when our pick won’t really make much of the difference… Why aren’t we spared the dejection of making the choice that won’t find a conclusion… n more often than not all we end up collecting is hurt n just more hurt… Just why are we played like puppets, provided with the illusion that we are free to be n can be and yet a millimeter of wrong footing n the strings are pulled hard n fast… Why are we made into these powerfully weak being, who are always assured that they are the masters of their destinies n are encouraged over n over again to do so. And yet when we in the real proximity of that wand which could finally allow us to alter our destiny our way, we are stumbled so hard that everything is shattered into thousand tiny pieces… Just why despite every appearance strings of our own life n its destiny is never in our own two hands… Why…

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naming games..

You know it's quite strange how some things; some people come n be a part of our life n being just coz we have a particular name and then someday those very things n people move out of our life coz of that very name. I know it sounds surreal n twisted, but it's a true observation, nothing fancy just reality… There was this stranger who became a really close friend just coz my momma loved n gave me the name I have… We had a really strange yet a beautiful connection, one that showed me that even without realizing we are connected to many other people in this bedlam called our world. And then one day everything changed, no longer I could be part of his life, no matter how bad we both wanted otherwise, coz I had my name… Now when I look back n think about the strange connection n the time both of us shared I feel tumultuous to the core… for sometimes I feel like laughing my heart out alike a lunatic, while at others I had been unconsciously crying throughout the re-collection, then sometimes I feel simply content for being able to share my life with someone so special even if for a very short time, while still at other moments I feel utterly betrayed… You know at times I doubt that Shakespeare didn't really fathom what exactly he was saying when he uttered; 'what’s in the name…' for there is a hell lot in there…

Our name is just not another string of alphabets; it's our first identification. Our name is what world knows n sees us as, not that that first impression is always a correct one. One’s name might not compliment his or her true colours, but a name does give a shape to that collection of colours that is us, every single time. And you know what another peculiar thing about this name-game, which most of us would have taken into notice if only once in our life, is that our name is that one thing which is essentially ours first n foremost and still it’s that one thing that others use much more than we ourselves ever manage to. And what more, despite sharing our name with may be thousand others, each one of those thousand poojas, rajs, nehas, rahuls are different n unique no matter if the spelling of those names proclaim otherwise… Also it’s quite strange the way a name is whole of their life for some people while for others a complete life is nothing but a name… and you know tris both of these distinctions have a very strange set of emotions attached with them… You know when one’s name is the very life for an another being, it leaves one with a feeling of warmth n even above that of being special and quite conflictingly when one’s whole life is nothing more than a name for another person it hurts like hell, it seriously does… strange na… But then as I always say n feel, pretty much everything that formulates life is strange, so why should names be any different and mind you am seriously not complaining, after all I never do… :D

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waging warriors..

You know what tris, warriors are not that rare a breed as people often think them to be… Granted there are quite tricky to find, but one shouldn’t forget that this is not coz they are hidden n sparse in number instead its coz not many have eyes to spot them. See tris truth is they are as aplenty as the population in this universe or may be even beyond… What I’m trying to say is that each n every living being, not just humans, are warriors… Some are born warriors, others are made n some mold themselves to be, but in the end each n every one of us has a warrior in us… Only it’s that it’s sleeping right inside us n just needs a trigger n reason to wake up n move out… and that one reason can be just about anything, simply anything… one’s own survival or life of someone more valuable than one’s own self or to prove that one is worth it… there can be n number of reasons n there are… You know that’s the way life is, you bring out n nourish 'your warrior' or else you are liable to lose 'your own self' n predictably a very few avoid doing that… But the strangest part is that much fewer people manage to keep it earthed for life n just be the true ones… In fact for most its momentous n nothing beyond that… But maybe that too is enough; after all wearing one’s armour all the times is also not a feasible scenario to be. For one can’t ignore that handling armour requires just about everything on one’s part, time, energy, skill and above that a willingness to continue doing so over time… and that surely can’t get tedious with time if one isn’t really keen enough and seriously not many of us are… For too long ago we were taught about tolerance n its limits and these very limits at times are very wide-spread, not that it’s a bad bad thing if one sits n thinks about it… But yes I still sincerely hope n wish that one day 'most' of us will work n be warriors, the true ones, not just for a moment or two, not just for someone special, not just for ourselves for a frozen time… but instead for always kinds… Ahem ahem ahem…

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killing proximity..

You know love, there are only two things that can exist between people existing n living at really close quarters… its either love or its hate, there is just no other way… There never seems a place for the normal, the mundane there, only one or the other extreme. But why, why there isn’t any mid-way stop, why… And more times than not its hate, in its darkest to the lightest of face… You know I haven't been able to understand as to how people can't occur on amiable terms, if not on good or even great ones. May be that's the way it can be… After all, all of us have our own way of crossing the path of life to reach that end of ultimate peace. You know another reason of sorts can be the fact that we always end up wanting what others have, even when ours is much better. And may be this very jealousy, this void we feel when compared to others is what, that makes us rude, distant n hateful of others… But somewhere there ought to be a solution, for there always is. But what… n where… You know tris, at times I feel it could have been so so much better had we been unable to think, to see, to feel… for these always end one in pain physically, mentally n more importantly emotionally. And somehow with each single step towards hate, we take ten back from love… n somehow it doesn't feel like a fair deal n never will be, no matter what we want ourselves to believe… And you know what, distance really works… for when a person is at a distance where we can see him/her comfortably yet not express; we always find oneself more tolerant, more accepting, more open to believe the good that person might have. And strangely at closer quarters one is completely shut off regarding the possibility of any good whatsoever in the person standing by… there the only things our mind see is how lacking that person is n still he/she has everything that we ever wished for. And not for a single second we stop n think that that person might deserve each n everything he/she possess as his/her… and so do we, we have everything that ours, sooner or later… But then that’s us, the best-est creation of God, the great living organization, the lord, the man… haah…

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no regrets..

You know love, till date one thing that I haven’t been able to understand is the thing why people regret. See tris, once in a while each n every one of us regret a part of past, be it a situation, a choice or even a person. But we regret nevertheless and one thing that I don’t comprehend in all this is as to why… Why do we end up regretting something that in a part has made us n our history? See the basic fact is that we do everything n anything only when we feel it’s our ‘right’. So how come we end up regretting something that once had justified our sense of right n wrong. How come our very own right turns around so much that the only thing that’s left with us is plain regret? And you know the thing about regret is that it makes everything that touches it wrong, so utterly wrong that even thinnest ray of right isn’t visible through it… We uselessly ponder upon things that have passed by, been lived through and we end up judging every single second of it. And not surprisingly more times than not, we don’t come out content with our own analysis… I always feel that life has a very weird way of unfolding. See we never like what it offers us at any particular junction, still we make do n move on with the best of our capabilities n acceptance and with time we resent the very same choices n decisions that were taken by us then. Somehow be it moving on or staying stuck at some or other phase of our lives, we aren’t really happy with either choice. Anyway we go on n one coming day we regret making that particular choice. But if we look at this mess from another angle, it might be that we aren’t regretting the thing chosen but instead are feeling bad about the one not chosen. Still all I hope at this instant is that I somehow feel anything but regret that one day when I stop n look back on my life… In fact it’s my wish n prayer for everyone who is living his/her life in the best possible way at this particular moment… that they don’t bump into regret while travelling the bumpy lanes of their past… Ahem…

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timing milieu..

No one can go back n start all over again afresh, but anyone can start from now n make a new ending… At times I feel this really should be the only concern to each one of us… but contrary to this, none ever think of starting afresh whenever anyone of us have a setback… all we can concentrate on at the junction is why the bloody hell now, how come with me, what went wrong and most promptly n prominently my fucking luck. Quite ironically it’s almost the same course for everyone despite the disparities in their situations… Come to think of it how more easier life could have been if we had a tendency to stop only to think of newer ways so as to move ahead than to curse n dug out the reasons as to why we stopped… but then maybe this is what exactly we are all about, humans n their life. Though even this isn’t bad deal if one thinks about it hard, for at times one need to know the past as well, for there too lays a part of us that is never coming back. But yes always sticking by one’s past n almost camping there is not the real deal. For no matter whether we do it willingly or unwillingly we move on, just coz we have to n always will… And despite us not wanting or needing them, newer paths n journeys keep adding themselves to our ultimate journey of finding our own selves… and frankly it’s better for us to look forward into the dreams of our future to reach the end eventually, though in process also not forgetting to turn back once in a while n peer into the shadows of our past as well, ever… for our being is like a clock, where movement is only possible with time… our past being the seconds' hand moving the present of minute hand which always has n will move our future in hours' hand. For its past of man, that makes him the way he is at present n only present him has the power to sculpt the future… And eventually all one ever need is do, in order reach wherever (s)he ever wanted n needed to, is to have legs steadily moving in present with eyes always looking forward into the future with past being carried in the heart n mind always…

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forgiving, forgetting..

You know tris people feel that it’s not easy to forgive n forget… But they don’t realize just how wrong they are, for this is not what’s difficult… difficult is keeping that throbbing of hurt or fire of revenge or clouds of resentment alive in us… And you know what tris, all this harms the people holding them much more than to the person for whom they actually are… these are like burning coals or sharp shards of glass that one is holding to throw at someone they want to avenge against. And it’s not difficult to realize that by the time one really throws them, they have already burnt or slashed one’s very own hands… and despite avenging ourselves, we haven’t been able to subdue our pain instead we have actually catapulted it n in process have added few more scars as well… See tris am not saying that one should stop feeling hurt or betrayed, for then all we will be is cold-blooded stone or highest of saints. And none is really a way to live, really live… You know feel everything, feel the pain when it’s there, the hurt when it happens or the anger when it ignites, but never hold unto them… For like everything else they too need to flow ahead in the river of our lives. And even holding unto sometime is not a bad deal, for at the core it’s about ones pride n at times all one have is his/her pride. At times it is the only thing that’s keeping one alive, standing n fighting… But yes one should use it as a weapon and not become one in its hands. It’s good to have its support to lean on, but not to do by it… And you know what, even forgiving n forgetting will hurt n pain you a little for in letting go of all that hurt, anger, resentment we are letting go of a part of our own life… but keeping them afresh in ourselves hurts much much more n always will… It’s far better to have a little of it for while than to have it forever, always right there. Though it’s not as easy as it’s said to be, forgiving n forgetting is still not possible, all one needs to know n more importantly believe that I was strong enough to take that hurt, have been stronger to live with it but am strongest enough to let go of it all n always will be no matter what, where, why, when or how…

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taking the fall..

In life, for once do fall in love… be it with an idea, a hope, a choice, an ambition, a wish, a thing, a person or even a feeling… but do fall, for more than anything that would be the reason for waking up every single day with a smile… And that reason is more precious than anything one will be accumulate over the course of one’s life… You know tris having a new smile each day as ours is a blessing beyond words… And even greater is being the reason behind this blessing. You know smile is among few of nature’s treasure that is precious in any currency… One which makes everyone feel worthy of everything n anything. Smile has a really potent power… You know just a few days back, read this joke that, it not the girl turning back that drives the boy crazy, instead it when she turns back n 'smile' that the madness begins…J Well that’s the power of smile. J J J And you know one can’t even imagine the range it has; at one turn it can be hearty, at other wary, it can be watery or it can be sarcastic as well… It’s kind of that smile has moods of its own. And you know smile is that one thing, which we can give even to our enemy without backing out or appearing weak. And what more in addition to this marvelous gift, falling in love always leave one feeling cherished, beautiful n above anything worthy… One thing that all of us question all our lives, being in love gives us that evasive answer as well, that ‘yes’ we are worthy… worthy of this person, answer, idea or just about anything, but yes worthy we are. And that my love is way beyond anything any day. Oh! tris how I wish each one of us is able to have this insight to and feel this magic of love among many other… that we have the power to weave and do so for sure when given a chance with true heart-clear mind-selfless soul… And what more one should play this gamble in one’s life n take the fall, if only once, for without any doubts whatsoever it will always be worth every damn bit of it, today, tomorrow, forever…

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one's time..

You know love its quite strange how in a span of mere twenty four hours so many things go on, for that matter of fact even a single moment seems too darn long… but you know the thing is that all day long we do, think, plan, hope, wish even without realizing for a moment how much exactly is happening… and in the same flow we keep moving forth… and then when one day we pause to take a breather we see n exclaim how everything has changed… And you know it’s quite difficult for our own self to realize that the person staring at us in the mirror is no one else but our own self… but what’s harder is to accept that it’s actually us only… You know it’s in moments like this that I feel an urge, a craving, a need… never to forget to stop very once in a while n smell the roses, to a have a breather n take in the sun-rise, to shrug off all my clothes n take a long dip in the sea, to get muddy n kick up some deep puddles, to just stop thinking n just simply be… For nothing is really worth it, if one can’t identity one’s own self… Granted at times we are ignorant of others in our life but the day we stop connecting with ourselves, that day everything is simply wasted, nothing more nothing less… You know it’s not like as many think, life doesn’t change just out of the blue; in reality it has been changing an inch regularly only we were clueless about it for we were way to busy with our ‘life’ to actually observe where to it was heading… And that’s the only reason that when we finally catch up n open our eyes we feel that everything has changed overnight… But tris how exactly we can be so unconcerned regarding something that’s breathing life every moment within us, for us, how… Can’t we start investing sometime in our selves also… am not talking about hours and hours at length, just a few minutes every now n then… with our own selves, with those who make a part of ourselves… with everything n anything that is us, has been us n will be us.. a smallest investment, but with highest of commitment… coz it doesn’t do good to forget that if one can’t find for one own self than one can’t really do justice towards others as well…

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strongest of all..

Hey tris, tell me which is the strongest emotion of them all??? Don’t know how far my calculations are correct, but personally I feel its “NEED.” You know knowingly unknowingly “need” is the underlying current of every other flow of our life, be it any action, reaction or emotion… See, let’s take an example, what is love, though technically it’s almost impossible to define love and at the same time truth of love is different for each n every one of us and none is wrong either. But speaking in broad terms, one thought, one view that is common to all when love is the question is that, love is that one need to be needed, wanted, cherished… Somehow it seems as if “need” is one of those basic components of our inherent composition n nature n very being. We want something, we work hard; but when we need something, we work harder, desperately hardest of our abilities. We need n we be... In fact more than anything else it’s need(s) that make us what we were, are n will be... Needs are always there, have been for ages n will be for many more lifetimes. And you know what each fulfilled need gives us that solace n contentment that we weren’t even aware of searching. What more needs so unlike wants don’t add another leg to our journey of life, instead one need fulfilled gives way to the next need, slowly n steadily moving towards the end of the list. While wants in their own peculiar way keep adding miles to the way, see what am trying to convey is that one want fulfilled usually gives way to the next level of the very same want, adding another level to clear to reach the next want, if possible. Needs on their part add a restlessness n stubbornness to get over with for they have desperation attached with them n in this quest to finish, they take life along... But you know when exactly things get messed up, the day we start pushing our wants way before our needs... See quite frankly humans can be happy n content for most part of their existence merely by realising the simplest fact that needs always get fulfilled, each one of us get what we need, granted sometimes is sooner n at others later. But needs reach completion, they have their conclusion already locked inside them, all we need is to peal a layer after another n reach it; never forgetting that at times it would be too easy while at others a bit too hard... You know quite ironically alike habits, we make needs what they are n needs make us what we are...

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