one's time..

You know love its quite strange how in a span of mere twenty four hours so many things go on, for that matter of fact even a single moment seems too darn long… but you know the thing is that all day long we do, think, plan, hope, wish even without realizing for a moment how much exactly is happening… and in the same flow we keep moving forth… and then when one day we pause to take a breather we see n exclaim how everything has changed… And you know it’s quite difficult for our own self to realize that the person staring at us in the mirror is no one else but our own self… but what’s harder is to accept that it’s actually us only… You know it’s in moments like this that I feel an urge, a craving, a need… never to forget to stop very once in a while n smell the roses, to a have a breather n take in the sun-rise, to shrug off all my clothes n take a long dip in the sea, to get muddy n kick up some deep puddles, to just stop thinking n just simply be… For nothing is really worth it, if one can’t identity one’s own self… Granted at times we are ignorant of others in our life but the day we stop connecting with ourselves, that day everything is simply wasted, nothing more nothing less… You know it’s not like as many think, life doesn’t change just out of the blue; in reality it has been changing an inch regularly only we were clueless about it for we were way to busy with our ‘life’ to actually observe where to it was heading… And that’s the only reason that when we finally catch up n open our eyes we feel that everything has changed overnight… But tris how exactly we can be so unconcerned regarding something that’s breathing life every moment within us, for us, how… Can’t we start investing sometime in our selves also… am not talking about hours and hours at length, just a few minutes every now n then… with our own selves, with those who make a part of ourselves… with everything n anything that is us, has been us n will be us.. a smallest investment, but with highest of commitment… coz it doesn’t do good to forget that if one can’t find for one own self than one can’t really do justice towards others as well…

-neh..

strongest of all..

Hey tris, tell me which is the strongest emotion of them all??? Don’t know how far my calculations are correct, but personally I feel its “NEED.” You know knowingly unknowingly “need” is the underlying current of every other flow of our life, be it any action, reaction or emotion… See, let’s take an example, what is love, though technically it’s almost impossible to define love and at the same time truth of love is different for each n every one of us and none is wrong either. But speaking in broad terms, one thought, one view that is common to all when love is the question is that, love is that one need to be needed, wanted, cherished… Somehow it seems as if “need” is one of those basic components of our inherent composition n nature n very being. We want something, we work hard; but when we need something, we work harder, desperately hardest of our abilities. We need n we be... In fact more than anything else it’s need(s) that make us what we were, are n will be... Needs are always there, have been for ages n will be for many more lifetimes. And you know what each fulfilled need gives us that solace n contentment that we weren’t even aware of searching. What more needs so unlike wants don’t add another leg to our journey of life, instead one need fulfilled gives way to the next need, slowly n steadily moving towards the end of the list. While wants in their own peculiar way keep adding miles to the way, see what am trying to convey is that one want fulfilled usually gives way to the next level of the very same want, adding another level to clear to reach the next want, if possible. Needs on their part add a restlessness n stubbornness to get over with for they have desperation attached with them n in this quest to finish, they take life along... But you know when exactly things get messed up, the day we start pushing our wants way before our needs... See quite frankly humans can be happy n content for most part of their existence merely by realising the simplest fact that needs always get fulfilled, each one of us get what we need, granted sometimes is sooner n at others later. But needs reach completion, they have their conclusion already locked inside them, all we need is to peal a layer after another n reach it; never forgetting that at times it would be too easy while at others a bit too hard... You know quite ironically alike habits, we make needs what they are n needs make us what we are...

-neh..

aching pleasure..

About this one, am really not sure that today is the right time to let these utterances out, but somehow am just helpless and can't keep them locked inside anymore...

 

Don’t precisely know when this thought sprouted in my silly mind, but sprout it did nevertheless and alike its predecessors it refused to oblige the poor me n continued bugging me till the previous moment. And in the light of the fact that I’m utterly useless in shrugging off the musings of my ever chirping mind here I’m, yet again giving in... Don’t know tris, when will I actually learn to say a NO n more importantly in a voice that convey that I mean it, loud n clear, gawd...

The bug of the hour is another peculiar thought, that it’s pretty strange about love that no matter for how long or short you have it in your life-it’s always too precious n darn too painful... it’s kind of a strange cycle of sorts, in early days it’s too precious to let go without taking your chances at it n too painful to believe too deep in one glance... then it becomes too precious for now you are someone’s very life n too painful because that someone too is your life... and then towards the end its too precious to just let go for once n all n still too painful to continue holding on for there isn’t much left but a fading shadow...

You know love, love is both precious n painful in its arrival, departure n the very existence... and this just doesn’t seem to make any sense, no matter from which angle you try n see it. See till the time you are in love or more precisely you have this feeling of being in love, nothing in this whole big world can mar you happiness... everything turns beautiful... life is just perfect... And what more you are on cloud nine, in fact beyond that when your love is reciprocated... all that stops you from flying away is lack of wings... you need nothing more from the world n your life... And as the magic seeps out, so does your life... in that one moment when you feeling acknowledge that love has left you, the whole world seems to cave into you... and all you want is nothing but roll over n be...

You know it’s not strange that love is edgy, for so are all other of our feelings. But what sets love apart is that it not just takes you to the very edge of the cliff, it pushes you over that cliff, where either you fly or you die... And you know what’s equally strange is the way we piece by piece pick up our broken heart, at times even our soul and start our life again with a resolve that we won’t do anything with love again, ever. And then we bump into someone who makes us catch our breath n there we start all over again... Love manages to over-power just about everything n be itself-the magical, mystical being... no matter what, no matter how, no matter when or no matter why...

-neh..

hanging on..

Honestly tris don’t know when life will stop being strange, unpredictable and worse uncontrollable. But on second thoughts I don’t think I want to change it over-much for this very feeling of us being powerless in her face makes her what she is. It’s as if this very uncertainty encompassing her is what makes life, beautiful, precious and worth fighting for n living through. But still at times I have this itching feeling time and again that... the thorns in this bed ordered for us by our life seems just too much to bear n wield through. See won’t say that the feeling is not beyond anything when one do manages to find n work a break-through. But even in this light one can’t just ignore the hard-hitting fact that these “break-throughs” aren’t a commonplace occurrence. In fact they are so rare and afar that hope is juts on the verge of dying n in the process threatening to take us along with itself… And I won’t proclaim to be something am not n lie right through my teeth, this feeling that the very next moment you gonna sink and sink hard n deep is scary, too darn scary. And in those moments even against ones will despair manages to win n in process life loses… and seriously nothing can be worse than that… See tris, am not saying that life is unfair or anything, all am trying to do is to see or rather explore yet another aspect of this miracle of life n our own existence therein… All I wish for is that one be stubborn, in fact too stubborn to let go off, no matter how hard the things are or have been n more importantly will be... I don’t really know as to why, but I have always felt n not surprisingly still do n may be forever will that life is way too precious to let go off even for a moment… One might be unable to find a reason good even enough to hang onto at some particular moment of despair, but all of us can surely dig up our memories n pull up the reasons that had kept us going till now. After all if those particular ‘reasons’ have been fair enough to hang onto so far, they can work pretty much for the coming moment as well. Agreed they won’t be as perfect or as good as they once were, but then nothing much is ever perfect in this world… In fact the very fact that you still have a life breathing in you is a reason more than enough to hang on n trust me it always has been n always will be…

-neh..

perfection drama..

Just yesterday, after ages got a chance to interact a very old friend of mine and by old I mean chuddy-buddy types. And thank goodness he hasn’t changed over-much, except for the price range of his gadgets… Well one remark and he was spinning, like always, yarns after yarns of anecdotes. And then came the usual prophecy ending the day, “yaar bas ek yeh cheez aur mil, toh life set… sab perfect ho jayega… fir bas sab jannat hi jannat…” And… yeah you guessed it right, my mind went on its ticking spree… Is perfection really that one stage where everything is just right and you can’t be anything but happy n content??? Is perfection really that point where nothing but only contentment can exist??? Isn’t this the ultimate end??? Perfection…

Perfection… All through our lives consciously-unconsciously we crave nothing more than we do perfection. In almost every aspect of our lives we search for it… our very own perfect job, a perfect home, a perfect life-partner. But in this endless quest we simply fail to realize that perfection is the end... There isn’t anything beyond it; after all we can’t perfect ‘perfection.’ We can marvel n sigh for a while over the mountainous fact that we found it, our perfection… But what then, no matter what it’s a dead end where we can’t grow, imagine, create anything, anymore, anyhow. Perfection in its own peculiar way suck out the very magic from life, for no longer we are left with choices, chances, dares… After all where can we actually go from the destination, we have reached n now have no right to walk anymore. We are finished, we have done it, we are simply at it... Agreed that we all need to reach our destinations, but what if we still have the zeal to go on n just no path ahead to take the steps we are itching to take. It will be a very painful death… one of frustration n helplessness… And seriously it’s none’s dream, hope, wish and bet never will be…

You know we may carve this very perfection for its very perfection till the very end of our lives, but this can never beat imperfection and it’s lure… no matter what… for though ‘imperfect’ life n its being may not be as good as their perfect counterparts, still they will always end up a notch higher for they have something very vital in their core, something jus theirs… Scope… Scope, to make, to break, to see, to be…

-neh…

circling alone..

You know love sometimes we can't help but feel alone n damn it it's not a good feeling to have.... See it’s not that the person is actually alone in normal sense of speaking instead (s) he is lonely in real sense of feeling... And at that time nothing can push that feeling away, not even our own self... At that one moment even the biggest n rowdiest of crowds can't engulf one in itself n one is left with an endless emptiness n darkness. A place where one can't even feel one's own self n it’s a really really bad place to be. And see it’s not that a person willingly pushes (her) himself in that dark hole, it just pulls one in its core. Mostly it leave one aching n shattered, but at times it gives us a glimpse of the person living within our own self, who has been alone all along just coz we haven't been able to reach (her) him. And it is this unknown that leaves one broken, coz we still have hidden selves from our own eyes. You know it's quite ugly when we know that our own self is craving badly for something too vital for itself n we just can't understand it enough to get it for (her) him... This is what unfortunate is made of when one is unable to help one's own self n even when in desperation one tries to reach out one is simply unable to decide where to turn n seek. One just doesn't have a clue as to which direction exactly should one extend (her) his hands so as to get hold of a person caring enough to help us out. And all this just leaves us right where we started from, alone... But maybe this shouldn't be surprising for life do have a fetish for complete circles; most of it is cyclic n all through remains so... It do tend to come right back from where it started, no matter how soon or how late; but it do reach the very same point n that too every single time. One can't really blame life now can we, after all this is her; remember that old adage, 'what goes around comes around.' That exactly is her n will be, today tomorrow n every other day...

-neh..